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My post about apos;In The Heightsapos; is on its way, but in the meantime, here is some context:

My favorite song in the show, and probably an example of what apos;In The Heightsapos; does best. Abuela Claudia, the Cuban maid that oversees the entire block, stops the show, for an intense moment of reflection about how she got from the poor streets of Havana to living in New York City. It was at this point that Greg and I turned to each other and said, oh wow, this is something special.

Its salsa, but its also something else.

Paciencia Y Fe (Patience and Faith)


This is very early in the show, and there is a certain sweetness to this relationship. But the true moment of note, is the fact that somehow apos;In The Heightsapos; makes reggaeton, the mixture of merengue and reggae that is all over nyc, into something semi-magical. "Sheapos;s smiling, say hello Honk your horn"

Bennyapos;s Dispatch



At the Tonys, Lin Manuel says "I donapos;t know about God, but I believe in Chris Jackson." This is Chris Jackson, playing Benny, singing a love song that seems ripped out of my childhood. The whole fire hydrant bit, and just like the idea of "Nina, everything is easier when youapos;re home. The streets are a little kinder, when youapos;re home. Canapos;t you see, that the days seem clearer, now that you are here, or is it just me?" I fell a little in love with Benny.

When Youapos;re Home

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No coffee for almost a year now, quick mug this morning since I had to be up so early, my heart is going nuts. Goddamn. It actually really weirds me out that I was to the point where three or four cups of this shit would have no effect on me, itapos;s kind of fucked up the tolerance human bodies can build.

Also managed to cobble together the healthiest french toast I could. I used just the egg whites, about half the sugar, and wheat bread. Doubled the cinnamon and vanilla to make up for some of the missing stuff and itapos;s... Actually pretty good, much better than I thought it would be. The textureapos;s a little weird compared to white french toast, but the taste is a lot richer to make up for it.

Decided to drop my War account for a bit, thereapos;s just so much buggy shit starting to ruin my game experience. The game itself is magnificent, the mechanics are top notch and innovative, the rvr is almost perfectly balanced and the lore is translated spot-on, but they have got to fix the client. I was willing to ride it out for a few weeks and ignore some of the glaring issues, but thereapos;s absolutely no reason I should be chugging at 2-3fps in a 20 person siege with spell effects off and graphics set to low on a machine that runs Bioshock at medium-high settings. Itapos;s very, very noticeable in the tier 3+ areas where you arenapos;t limited to 12v12 fights in big open areas and itapos;s pretty infuriating not to be able to do anything just because there are a bunch of people in one room bashing things. Definitely going to pick it back up in a few months when I either have a more powerful PC or theyapos;ve ironed out some of their coding and stop it from doing shit like writing every goddamn event to your personal log file and bloating the folder up to half a gig in just a couple weeks of playing. Reinstalling TF2 this week to get my pvp fix.

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Iapos;m really digging Envy On The Coast right now.
itapos;s sort of filling in the void left by my breakup with incubus. Yes, we broke up, I canapos;t really vibe on them much anymore...sad? meh.

Grace updated with new pictures. With nathan. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhg. I wish I could just delete her.
but -apparently- sheapos;s become quite the pothead and this intrigues me.

because potheads are fucking entertainment.

I think I accidentally agreed to do coke with traciapos;s boyfriend over halloween weekend. Uhhhhhhhhhhm. Oops. Iapos;ll just have to wiggle my way out of this.

tomorrow is bound to be a beautiful day off that I plan on doing absolutely nothing worth anything. Except a trip to ohsay, best buy. And helping corbin find a j00000rb (still).

off to (sigh) clean the bathroom for chump change. Iapos;m that broke that I am relying on chores.
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so i think it was a lot easier to for somethings but somethings i am finding that i can tolerate while being apart from eachother.� it honestly isnapos;t a big deal and iapos;m not going to make it one, cause in the end it will be different.�

things are hard really hard.�

my feelings have been so out of control and have just being mean or upset cause i can.� trying to pick a fight and know thats its going to come.� i think i figured out how to deal with my anger.� well at some parts at least.� if iapos;m trying to ask something and get information on a certain topic, and my question is all convolted....ask me what i mean.� if i donapos;t want to front up an answer than just drop the question, iapos;ll probably give you a better description that what i previously attempted saying.� cause i am probably going to want an answer, just keep saying you donapos;t understand what iapos;m saying...in hopes to find out what iapos;m really trying to ask.� than there are times when i want to fill in the void that iapos;m missing.� i know it isnapos;t the same, i understand that isnapos;t what i want either.� but with dealing with everything and the inability to control them, itapos;d help.� i just lately have been feeling so alone, and if there is someone who can give me the littlest amount of comfort iapos;d think itapos;d be worth trying, so i stop feeling so low.� but i guess have to get over that idea it would only cause problems.� i know your reasoning, and i wish you could know what i exactly go through.� this whole anti-support any idea family is fucking difficult.� they think its a bad idea, and that everything is set in stone.� all they want to know is whats the difference between there and here, or when iapos;m i leaving?� do i really have to explain more, its something i believe i can grow from� its also a great possibility to have a great relationship with someone as well, but i wonapos;t know till i try it.� it wasnapos;t all that pleasant to get all this information from my twin sister.� you think she would tell you exactly what was said or her opinions about the situation.� but she thinks iapos;m not mature or responsible enough to deal with it.� you know what even though i wasnapos;t completely thrilled about some of your decisions, i still supported you.�

what else has been bothering me?

fuck i donapos;t even know.� it would have been three years today.�

sometimes this idea of moving away and no idea about each and every outcome really scares me.� will i be completely fine with all the complete differences each place has?� will everything turn out to equal out what iapos;ll be missing?� its just difficult.� i donapos;t have any answers for anything iapos;m curious about.� and they will probably always end up being different from one day or another.�

no matter what i will wait for you.� sometimes i say things just out of my anger, and i hope you know iapos;m lying.� all i can really do is hope that my frustrations or attempts to push you away donapos;t turn into anything worse.� there is a huge list of things that i could do just out of me being angry that would really hurt you.� i donapos;t want to and it will kill both of us.� i can think about what would happen if there were an aftermath of negative actions.� i know you trust me, but arenapos;t there some ideas in the back of your mind ever?� you havenapos;t ever seen me at my lowest, and i would hate to do anything wrong.� iapos;ve seen you a couple of times of me making you upset, but this would be entirely different.

this all needs to turn around.� i canapos;t keep thinking this way, it will only drive us further apart.� one day iapos;ll just snap if this keeps up at this rate.� it isnapos;t like itapos;ll be anytime soon, but i know its completely probable of happening.� i need to be more positive cause iapos;m going to be crushed by everything around me.

�

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I am exhausted. I donapos;t guess Iapos;ve gotten a full good nightapos;s sleep in over a week. Sleep has mostly been good, just not full.

Smosna bled over my homework. Bah. Fortunately, itapos;s not due until Wednesday, so the bleeding was actually very helpful :) Though, I still donapos;t know what the shale partings mean, so Iapos;m just gonna ignore it. Everything else got in there though. Tomorrow will be spent putting it all together.

Labs were hard today. I was completely outta it in my first lab (they laughed at me, so itapos;s cool) and I was falling asleep during the second lab. And, only half the students showed up for my second lab WTFmate? 6 outta 12. Thatapos;s just insane. To keep myself entertained, I surfed the apos;net because otherwise, I was gonna fall asleep.

The apartment seems kinda lonely with no one here. Molly came out, so thatapos;s nice, but it feels quiet, even with the tv on. :/ Alas, itapos;s how it goes I suppose.

Iapos;ve been catching up on my tv. Iapos;ll be through all the half hour shows, with only Lost to remain, which Iapos;ll get through slowly, but surely. Iapos;m getting through TDS and TCR by just watching the beginning "real news" stuff, which is my favorite part anyway. I find itapos;s better than completely calling them a wash, because otherwise Iapos;d probably never catch up.

Currently Iapos;m debating on watching My Own Worst Enemy. I want to sleep, but I also donapos;t want to have something else on my DVR which will take me forever to get to. I hope Heroes improves, because, seriously, Iapos;m not impressed with the villans arc.
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So Jay and I actually agreed on a place to move if we were to move out of state...Littleton, CO.
We both have friends there�and I like what Iapos;ve heard of Colorado.

Iapos;ve been researching housing and found something interesting...just about all homes for sale under $150k have structural damage or are townhomes/condos...Maybe because Iapos;ve never been to Colorado, I just donapos;t understand this.
I also donapos;t get how the apartments are set up. Theyapos;re...well, bland/outdated/just plain ugly�or really fucking close together and TINY.


What. The. Hell.

Am I looking in the wrong area? Is that just how it is? Am I spoiled by the housing boom in Georgia?

I guess weapos;d have to visit. Though, I donapos;t see us moving for a few years, if ever. The whole, family ties and friends thing.

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Friday: I donapos;t really remember what I ate because I was stoned out of my skull, but it was less than 500 calories, so thatapos;s alright I guess.
Saturday: Two skinny vanilla lattes (180).
Sunday: Tall skinny vanilla latte, two egg whites with catsup, blueberries, and coffee with splenda and a teaspoon of half and half (230?).

Tomorrow kick-starts my thirty-day plan and I feel really anxious. And itapos;s not really helping that my stomachapos;s aching from the dinner I just had (egg whites from a diner = greasy as fuck). Iapos;m just trying to ignore the pain/nausea right now and think about the good day that I had. I pretty much slept in and then hung out with my brother and his friend Sara. We drove around aimlessly until we hit a Starbucks, then took pictures in some neighboring villages, and went to the best diner in the world to have breakfast for dinner. My brother looked kind of sad when I said that I didnapos;t want to order anything but coffee, so I tried to choose something healthy. Hopefully the way that the diner prepared the eggs didnapos;t add too many calories or too much fat.

Anyway, a snippet of conversation from dinner:
Matt [talking about a one of our friends and her boyfriend]- Yeah, so sheapos;s an undiagnosed anorexic and her boyfriend knows this, but heapos;s such an asshole that he always calls her fat.
Sara- Oh my God, thatapos;s awful. Thatapos;s so sad. I donapos;t understand how people can think like that.
Matt- Think like what? Being anorexic?
Sara- Yeah, eating disorders make no sense to me. I mean, how can someone think so little of themselves and not just love who they are?
Me- ::awkward silence::
Matt- Yeah, so... [changes subject]

Ugh. Whatever. Back to my day. The pictures that I took are pretty much mediocre crap and Iapos;d post them anyway, but Livejournal is being a bitch and wonapos;t let me put them behind a cut, so fuck it. Maybe another day.


agia marina cyprus, agia marina hania, agia memoriam missing sophia, agia memoriam sofia.